“A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all the plans, safeguards, policing and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip, but rather that a trip takes us” ~ John Steinbeck
First off, please let me apologize to faithful readers of this blog for the fact that over the past couple of months posting has been irregular, and for this I’m truly sorry. In return for your loyalty to me, all I delivered to your inbox come two consecutive Sunday mornings in December was a big, fat goose egg, something that is totally unacceptable in my books. Once again, please accept my apologies.
I’ve been pre-occupied with a couple of things the past couple of months; one being Tristan’s health, and the other something more personal and equally as difficult; something which to be honest, is a life-changing shift that is dramatically changing our family dynamic. And with certain things taking shape recently, I’m feeling the time is finally right for me to let everyone know what’s going on.
In many ways, the past couple of years have been wonderful for Paula and I; we’ve done a ton of traveling, made some wonderful new friends and had some really terrific life experiences, all of which we are both very grateful for.
But in many ways, the past couple of years have also been very challenging for us as we’ve been dealing with many things; things that include a family death, ongoing challenges with various family members health issues, muscular dystrophy challenges, adjusting to one income, etc. – these are just some of the things that have added stress to our lives for the past couple of years.
Dealing with one or two of these things is difficult, but usually manageable; but when they become a never-ending heap with new ones being added (like they did in October) it can become overwhelming or worse – it can become damaging to the relationship.
Boundaries get pushed to breaking points, patience wears thin, resentment creeps in, etc.; and before you know it, you find yourself in dark, unfamiliar territory wondering “How did we wind up here?”
For some time now, this is where Paula and I have found ourselves; and after many long discussions and vast reflection we both realize that – despite all the cool stuff we’ve done the past 13 years – for the past couple we’ve been travelling down very different paths, and have two very different futures planned.
In other words, we’ve come to understand that we are both at the point in our individual journeys where it’s obvious we want very different things out of life than one another; and if one of us was to “win out” over the other, it would create a miserable and unhappy life for everyone involved, something neither one of us wants. For this reason, we are separating.
It’s important to realize that there is no blame or resentment here, on either side; there’s not been a big fight, or trouble in anyway – we remain committed to ensuring each other is well looked after during this transition. By the time you’ll read this we’ll be well into the process and chances are that we will still be co-habitating, something we will continue to do until we each get settled into our new lives safely and properly.
And yes, we still plan to spend time together and do the things that we did enjoy as a couple, which might even involve having our friends over for dinner and a few drinks, something we’ve always enjoyed; the only difference is that at the end of the night one of us will leave along with everyone else. So that means don’t be scared to invite us out together, we still enjoy spending time together – we just don’t want to spend ALL our time together.
So if we are so honest and amicable about our situation, and care so deeply for each others still then why are we splitting up? Simple. It’s because we love and respect each other TOO MUCH to continue going down a road that we know will eventually create bad feelings and ill will towards one another.
Rather than have our excellent memories fade, or worse – be replaced by the resentment and bitter feelings that accompany lost dreams and missed opportunities this is the route we’ve chosen. This way we remain friends, and will always keep supporting each other in the same fashion that helped us achieve so many amazing things together over the years. And yes, there were some pretty frickin’ amazing things.
We ask our friends for their acceptance of our decision; and that they understand we enter this new phase of our lives totally and wholly supporting each other 100% – you know – like we always have.
Thank you for listening,
David & Paula
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