I was talking to my good friend Gil last week, and he told me that if I ever felt like writing a food post, he’d post it over at his site, Life as a Human. (If you haven’t stopped by there yet, why the hell not? It’s awesome!) He went on to say he liked the ones I’d already written: Those being my famous “5 Minute Salsa”, an epic “Herb Roasted Chicken” and the Mediterranean Grilled Veggies”, a salad that generally blows peoples minds – and taste buds – right out the window.
Gil said he liked the recipes, the humour used to present them, and the step-by-step photos put into each post that makes them easy to follow. (I actually think he likes them because of the bottles of vino and beers that are found lurking around on my work station whenever I get creative in the kitchen – but that’s another post entirely) After listening to all his praise, my chest inflated, and I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself!
Then it came: Using a dignified tact that only a true friend could employ, he asked if I could “trim my post down a bit from their usual length”, as those that I’ve already written might be a bit too long for his format. You see, Gil is too nice a guy and kind of a person to tell me what I already know – that I have a “motor-mouth”, and tend to drone on and on; (and on, and on) and while he likes my content, at times it’s simply too long to fit the specific guidelines that make the posts on his site effective reads for his followers.
Curious, I took a look back at my past “Foodie” posts, and totally got what he’s saying – I do like to quip a fair bit, because I tend to write like I talk. However, in honour of his wisdom, guidance and friendship, (and because I LOVE a challenge!) I’m attempting to come up with a “light” version of a food post today – and while it can’t necessarily boast half the fat and calories of my other posts, hopefully it will be able to boast about 1/3rd the verbiage, photos and time consumption to read. And speaking of consumption: Despite the lack of words and photos presented here, please note that the amount of liquor consumed whilst making this dish is the exact same as the full “Foodie” posts – I’m a purest, and believe there are some sacred cooking steps you just can’t skimp on!
So here’s my attempt at the ultimate “Food Post” trifecta: Honouring Gil’s wishes, test my skill at brevity, and creating a dish that will help our taste buds prepare for an upcoming fortnight of eating hot, spicy Mexican food! And so with that, I proudly present my…
“Hot n’ Spicy” Jalapeño-Cilantro Coleslaw!
First off, gather your fresh ingredients and wash ’em all up:
- A medium sized head of Cabbage
- One big Red Pepper – “Firm”
- A Bunch of Cilantro
- And of course, a couple of Jalapeños!
- Oh yeah – don’t forget the big-ass bottle of wine and a couple of Pale Ales…
Get out your sharp Chef’s knife and shred about half of your cabbage; cut it into thin pieces (no longer than an inch and a half) and put in all a large mixing bowl. And hey, don’t be fooled by the volume – the size of the slaw will shrink down by about a third when finished, so cut more if you have lots of folks to feed.
Got your cabbage all chopped up? Looking good! Congratulations to those of you who have all your digits intact after that! Next grab your red pepper, and clean out of all those annoying little seeds, and carefully slice out the white spiny bits; when these are done and then fine dice the peppers so they look like…
This! Now keep that knife moving and chop up your jalapeños as finely as possible – use one for “medium hot” slaw, one and a half for “pretty hot” slaw, or two whole peppers for a “Mo-Fo” heat that will have your guests looking for the closest fire hydrant! Once that’s done, chop up the cilantro as well.
Nice! You can put away the knife now; and with that bit of danger averted, feel free to celebrate with a big glass of wine or a sip of that beer. Or two. Or three.
Put all cut ingredients in the large mixing bowl on top of the cabbage, and then head to the cupboard and get the following:
- 2 tablespoons White Sugar
- 2 tablespoons White Vinegar
- 1 cup White Mayonnaise – I say this because if it’s not white, that means it’s mouldy and you need to go shopping asap
Toss it all in together on top of your chopped veggies, and mix until thoroughly blended. Watch out for pockets of unmixed mayo – those are a killer if missed and some poor sap gets a mouthful of them!
You’re almost there – simply let the slaw sit in your refrigerator for at least one hour before service to both mix up the flavours, and bring out the heat of the jalapeños… Aye, Chiwawa!
And voila! There you have it – a gorgeous, Jalapeño- Cilantro Coleslaw to blow your company away! Serve as a cold side to any hot entree like grilled steak or chicken. If you really want to make it special, add in a cup of sunflower seeds right before service – they provide a nice, nutty crunch which contrasts the other flavours very nicely.
Okay, I’m all done and think I’ve was able to achieve all 3 goals I set out to: I’ve written a post that is (a) about food, (b) wasn’t too wordy, and (c) the finished product is a “light” version of what I would have normally written. I hope this works for my friend Gil, and he sees it fit to post over at Life as a Human – We’ll see! Knowing what a good, kind, generous soul he is, he’d not have the heart to tell me that I’m still rambling on, and post it anyway. Either way, the good news is that we all got a wicked salad recipe out of the deal – and there’s nothing wrong with that, right? Ole! The countdown to Mexico is…ON!