Hey, welcome back! Last post we looked at the first 7 habits that, when followed diligently, would guarantee a “Life of Mediocrity” for anyone who followed them. They were:
1. Be Selfish
2. Be Rude
3. Laugh at Other’s Misfortunes
4. Be Critical of Everything
5. Make Snide, Negative Remarks
6. Make Excuses and Lay Blame Elsewhere
7. Embrace Ignorance
Now on their own these babies can do a fair bit of damage to anybody’s positive attitude; case in point, here’s #1 (Be Selfish) hard at work. Every day I see this car (with a licence plate holder that reads “F**K You and Your Perfect Life”) parked across the same 4 parking spots, and wonder (a) what IS this person thinking? And (b) how does such a negative focus affect all the other areas of their life? Not very well, I imagine…
Okay, enough parking etiquette: Let’s finish up our list by looking at the final 8 habits that will guarantee anyone who follows them a life of mediocrity. Remember, these are all important if you want a life chock full of bitterness, unhappiness, scarcity and loneliness; so whatever you do, don’t miss a single step; that is unless of course, you want to live a life of happiness, joy, abundance with lots of cool people around you. If that’s the case, then do exactly the opposite of what’s suggested here and you will have all these things, plus so much more!
8. Never Travel Outside Your Own Country: Let’s face it, why would you, when everything you want or need is right here at home? Besides, what’s the point to going to countries where all the people are poor and live in slums? Or where they have no Internet accesses in their houses or clean water to drink or kids beg on the streets? And what if you go and there’s a terrorist attack, you know, like there was 20 years ago? Or how about those communist countries that prey on Westerners, then lock them up? Why on earth would anyone subject them to any of these dangers? If you want “reality”, there’s a channel on TV that shows it, 24 hours a day. Stay home where it’s safe and get your culture from that. Besides, in Grade 12 you went to England with the school band, and then stayed at a Mexican resort that one time, so doesn’t that mean you’ve “seen the world” already? I thought so!
9. Don’t Ever Express Thanks or Gratitude: Why should you be grateful for your life? It’s not like you haven’t earned it! Besides, let’s face it, it’s not that great – you still don’t have the exact job you want, partner you want, amount of money you want, or overall lifestyle you want. People don’t understand you still have bills etc. and HAVE to work – it’s not like you don’t pay for a place to live, food, clothing etc., so why would you be grateful for such things? And whatever you do, don’t buy into that phony “The best things in life are free” stuff; only be grateful for things that are expensive, especially if you don’t have to pay for them, but managed to sucker/blackmail somebody else to get for you. Only be grateful when you get exactly what you want… which will probably be never.
10. Always Remain Expressionless in Front of Strangers: This is a critical act if you want to keep away all of the losers, weirdo’s and freaks out there; whenever you encounter strangers, do everything you can to ignore them, and pretend they don’t exist. If they try to say “Hello” to you, abruptly say “Hi” back and then speed away from them as fast as possible; this will ensure you never invite any new people enter your life, and you can continue spending your nights at home, warm and safe in your apartment. Besides, why would you need to meet new people? You have your TV, plus dog or cat to provide all the love, friendship and companionship you will ever need.
11. Procrastinate Whenever Possible: The best part about procrastinating is being able to complain and make excuses afterwards – For example: “I wanted to apply for that job but the print shop took too long to print my resume so I missed the deadline and now can’t apply”, or “The gas station I use was closed so I couldn’t buy gas and so I ran out and needed someone to drive me to get gas” etc. Make sure you always preface these statements by empathetically declaring, “It’s not my fault!” Most people appreciate these kinds of situations are entirely out of your control, and give you lots of leeway when they frequently occur. Trust me when I say that people don’t mind dropping everything they are doing (because compared to your “emergency”, how important can it really be?) to assist you, over and over again.
12. Always Be Late: Don’t ever worry about being late for appointments; most people don’t mind you wasting their time, and are most appreciative when you provide them with reasons and excuses that they know are 100% factual. For most people, the same excuses are fresh, even after being used 100 times! Remember… it wasn’t your fault! The traffic was heavy, the bus was late, the alarm didn’t go off, etc. We don’t mind; remember our time isn’t important to us, so why should it be to you?
13. Don’t Exercise: Exercising takes a lot of time which, let’s face it, you probably don’t have anyway; besides, whenever you DO work out your muscles get “too big” so you look weird, which is why you stopped exercising in the first place. And why would you go to the gym and be surrounded with spandex clad phonies and steroid filled jerks anyway? Besides, not taking the elevator at work or the occasional walk to the store for milk counts exercise, and you aren’t in as bad a shape as most people, so why worry about it? Besides, statistics say it’s natural for most people to gain 5lbs – 7lbs a year so what’s the big deal? You aren’t that out of shape…
14. Don’t Ever Ask Other People For Help: If you don’t understand how something works, or need some help in order to get something done, the most important thing is not to let other people know this; after all, you should know something about everything, or be able to handle it all alone, right? Asking for help makes you look weak and unable to cope; it’s much better to “fake it”, hide the fact that you are in trouble, then hope it all goes away before anyone notices. Only losers ask for help, so don’t do that.
15. Don’t Ever Offer To Help Other People: Just as you would never ask for help, don’t make the mistake of offering it to other people; after all, their problem is not your problem. “How can I help you?” are 5 words that should never leave your lips, unless you want to become saddled with solving someone else’s problems. Even if it’s as small as taking groceries to a car or opening a door for someone, remember these are not your problems, and you shouldn’t be expected to deal with them. If these people can’t handle them, they should never have gotten themselves in these predicaments the first place.
So there you have it; 15 sure fire ways to live a life of lack, and “Whew!” I’m glad it’s all done because honestly, it’s been an exhausting post to write, mostly because of the sarcasm. But here’s the thing: Every example is from an actual event or events I’ve witnessed first hand! For example, Habit # 12 – Always Be Late – is based on someone I know who is late for every single thing they do, and – despite keeping people waiting for 20 + years – they still offer the same old excuses and think people should understand that it’s “Never their fault”. The truth is most people view this person as selfish, unreliable and self-centred. Even more obvious is how the other areas of their life are effected by this (and other) poor habit(s) they refuse to change or take responsibility for.
I myself have been guilty of Habit # 5 – Making Snide and Negative Remarks – something that earlier on in life was a bit of an epidemic for me. I understand now that I did this as a way to counter my insecurities and feelings of lack, and still work hard to improve on it. (amongst other things) These days if I feel these negative thoughts creep in I change my focus and work on finding the good in others, but to be honest, it’s much harder than it sounds, and therefore I consider myself a “Work in Progress”. I think I’m doing okay, but can always do better. Now that I’ve put it out there, feel free to call me on my bad behaviour if I stray off the beaten path of who I should be, okay?
That’s all for now, and I hope everyone out there has a terrific holiday season, and thanks for allowing me to ramble on and bare a wee bit of my soul; I truly appreciate it, and you for reading this post.
Have someone’s behaviour ever upset you so much that you vowed not to ever behave that way yourself? What was the outcome of your choice? Let us know in the comments below.